


A Little Short

by Vita_S_West



Category: Inspector Morse & Related Fandoms, Lewis (TV)
Genre: Ficlet, M/M, Pining, angst with no plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 10:07:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17999801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vita_S_West/pseuds/Vita_S_West
Summary: “Ah, ignore me. I've got a touch of existential flu,” James mused.Robbie Lewis was the most uncomplicated man James had ever met, but that was what was so frustrating about him.





	A Little Short

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for Valentines day, but never posted it and now it's March. Anywho, here you go!

“Ah, ignore me. I've got a touch of existential flu,” James mused. It was meant to come out funnier than it does. Robbie was meant to laugh.

“I’m going say it just this once,” Robbie said, leaning forward slightly. “For your sake, you need a partner, James. You need someone in your life.”

Such earnest, well-meant advice. James didn’t say anything for a few seconds. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to say, “But that’s you.” He didn’t say anything and told himself that was better, even though he felt something like a searing sensation in his chest.

No matter how James cut it he always came up a little short. Robbie Lewis was the most uncomplicated man he’d ever met, but that was what was so frustrating about him. Robbie said exactly what he thought. He did his job well. He went to the pub for a drink and then went home. There weren’t any carefully hidden vices or past mistakes creeping somewhere beneath the surface or in crevices of his personality. What you saw was what you got. The only problem was, James hadn’t realized how much there was of the man. How comfortable his kindness was. How he was able to put James at ease.

James could never find someone to depend on and now that he had…

Taking a sip of his drink, he supposed that it was probably inappropriate to be so attached to a superior. To be so attracted to a superior. Eventually, Lewis would retire and James would surpass him in rank—theoretically. What a horrible thought. His own codependency was both delectable and dreadful.

His melancholy sunk in more deeply than a coffee stain into his stomach. When it was time to leave it was almost a relief. If he couldn’t tell Lewis how significant he was in his life, James just wanted to go back home for some silence and solitude. Maybe he wasn’t melancholic. Maybe he was just sulking.

Lewis offered him a lift home and James shrugged, almost wanting to punish the other man for being so dense. Couldn’t he see how desperate James was for him? How many murders had Robbie solved, but he couldn’t solve this.

“We could go to the shelter for an interim friend for you,” Lewis mused as they walked to the door.

“The homeless shelter?” James said, completely distracted.

Lewis scoffed. “No, the animal shelter. Get a nice cat.”

“Can’t take a cat to the pub.”

“S’pose not.”

“Not like you, sir. Though I have considered getting a nice labrador when I miss you.”

“Very funny,” Lewis said dryly. He slammed the car door and James smirked in spite of himself.

James felt the gentle familiarity of his dependence pushed back towards him. Climbing into the car, he said, “There’s no replacing you, sir.”

James froze at the the heaviness of his own tone, the sudden seriousness breaking through. _Really, what’s the point of walls if you can’t keep them up?_ He _wanted_ Lewis to be able to tell how much he meant it, how badly he wants him to know how much he means it. Before starting the car, Lewis glanced over at him and James held his gaze. They sit there like that for a moment.

“You will be alright without me, James, you know that right?”

How do you politely call the man you love a liar? They stared at each other, silently. Lewis made no move to start the car. His lips were thin and serious. All James could think was, _Why are his eyes only that blue when he’s looking at me?_ He felt his chest tighten and he couldn’t get it out, couldn’t complicate it, tell Robbie, no, there was no way he’d be okay without him. How was he supposed to tell such a quiet man what his thoughts were screaming?

“Maybe,” James said after a moment. His voice cracked with the effort. He couldn’t take another moment of Robbie looking at him like that, so concerned. Staring at him, but not _seeing_ him, not really. James cleared his throat.

Robbie quirked his lips and turned back to dashboard, finally turning the key.

 _Look, don’t touch._ James could feel Robbie’s warmth, but always mediated through work and investigation and murder. They could catch a murderer, but James would always come up short.


End file.
